The BlackBerry Chronicles

Whoa!

2009-05-14T23:26:00.002-04:00

It's been a while my people! But not to worry, the witty sarcastic, narcisistic blog entries are back!! (collective sigh of relief)

A LOT has happened since my last entry in february...A WHOLE LOT..

For starters, i've become yet another statistic who's become a casualty in the seemingly never ending "economic downturn," in plain english: My ass got layed off. (blah). I kind of had a feeling it was going to happen, and i was already flying out to miami the next morning anyways so whatever, they did me a favor.

No more office politics, no more going to lunch with co-workers you don't really like, no more laughing at bad jokes. Life is good.

I was busy with tax season so i was really tied up making that green, you dig? now i have more time to "play" so play i will (thumbsup)

Bye Bye Corporate World, time to welcome the self-employed wagon.

Cheers!

Spring Fever!

2009-02-12T10:30:00.000-05:00

Today has that "spring" smell to it, doesnt it? You know what i'm talking about, that aroma that lets you know spring's arrived. People are all over the streets, shit i would be too if i didnt have to work. I saw peeps outside not wearing coats, some with short sleeve shirts thinking its may 11th, only problem is that its not may 11th snitches, its feb 11th!!! Valentine's day is 3 days away and guess what?? There's snow in the forecast! So all you thirst buckets who brought out those spring jackets you bought on sale @ Century 21 this winter, please...feel free to carefully place them back in your closet for the next spring tease...

(Sidenote) - why do the subways stink so much and more importantly, why do people stink so much..OMG!!
The subway doors opened @ Broadway-Nassau and it probably smelled worse than a hippopotamus' ass after diahrrea. Jeez louise..

"Ahh memories" (Ghostface Killah's Cherz Chez La Ghost plays on my ipod)

Let me raise the volume on the Ipod so i cant hear the lady asking for money..(I know a lot of you do that too)

See, in my struggle to get close to God's way, i'm aware that as a Christian i should go out of my way to help the less fortunate, but i find that so hard to do. See, these people who panhandle on the subways are mostly junkies, and the majority became such by choice. So being the person that i am, i rationalize things by thinking to myself "well, if they would've chosen not to do drugs, they probably wouldn't be looking for help." It can be harsh but i'm from the cloth that feels one makes his/her bed therefore he/she must lay in it. Am i wrong??

Anyways, back to today...

I HAD to go outside and take a stroll during lunch. The day was awesome! I cant front, when i got back to my desk i started looking up BBQ grills online, gotta be prepared, right? You never know when it'll be 65 in February :-)

So, Valetine's Day is this Saturday..

::Sigh::

The last time i had an "official" girlfriend on Valentine's day was 1999..seriously.

Same deal with Christmas.

Its weird, but its just worked out that way. Cupid my friend, thanks for saving me all that money bro! However, i have to admit, it does get lonely. Lets be clear about this, i'm never really without a female companion but involved in a relationship where things are serious hasnt happened in a while. Im well aware of my various opportunities, but its very hard for me to commit and even harder to make someone my girlfriend. My issue? I'm super duper picky! Some say i'm too picky, but i counter by asking them why would i get involved with someone who i already know things probably wont work out with, experience? I've already got plenty.

Sometimes i wonder if that "ms.right" even exists...

But yeah sat will be just another day in the neighborhood, no wearing Red for me.

I've got bigger wings to fry...

Smh.
Via Berry®

OHHH!! I GET IT NOW....

2009-02-09T17:17:00.001-05:00

Jennifer Hudson was at Red Lobster prior to the Grammy's and forgot to take her bib off..

If she was running for President, she would've won all 50 states with the sentimental votes, but luckily we dont use sentiment to vote on our elected officials, or do we (que: Dubya's Re-election)

Anyways..

She had many (not including me) in tears as she was clearly emotional both when she performed and during her acceptance speeches. She won in the hearts of America but lost in the minds of the fashion world. Hello!!! Always take off yuor bib BEFORE going somewhere...

SMH...

WTF?????

2009-02-04T15:30:00.000-05:00

This economy has everyone in the dumps...

Job are firing people, freezing salaries, cutting costs, just to save a buck and that's fine. My job even told us we wouldn't be getting any more bonuses nor would we be getting a raise.. we all took it with a grain of salt. Why? heck at least we have a job. But explain this to me...

If we're not getting raisees, WHT THE HELL DO WE HAVE TO DO A PERFORMANCE REVIEW????? Hello????????? WTF!

My supervisor told me "Al, we need to do the review man," to which i replied "am i getting a raise, cuz its pointless if i'm not." I lost the battle..

:( Red Tape sucks MAJOR culo.

TWO GIRLS ONE CUP....

2009-01-26T22:31:00.000-05:00

ERRRRRRRRRRRR........NOT REALLY, but close!

More like "TWO GIRLS ONE SEAT."

So it's saturday afternoon and i'm at the tax office hooking people up on their returns. I'd been there a few hours but i was getting hungry, and on top of that i was also in the mood to be in good company so i said "eff it, let me see who's down on facebook." So off I go; my fb status read as follows "in the mood for a good lunch, who's down?"

So i get the occasional smart asses making comments on facebook, whatever that's expected, but then I hear Young Jeezy's "My President is Black"....

Its my ringer.

Oh snap, its my homegirl Julissa, on 3 way, with Stephanie...

"Yo Al, its me Julie (and steph) lets get lunch and watch a girlie movie"
me: WTF i look like to you? Lunch yes, Girlie movie HELL to the No!
J&S: "C'mon man, lets go"
Me: "Lunch only"
J&S: "Fine fine"
me: "Julie, its cold and i'm wearing a vest so imma pick you up"

About 10mins passes and i'm outside Julie's bldg, she comes into the car..

J: "yo, so where we going"
me: "i don't know"
j: "where's steph gonna fit"
me: "i don't know, lol, we'll deal with it when we pick her up"

4mins pass and we pull up to Steph's block. she's outside waiting..

Steph: "So how we gonna do this cuz i'm a thick bitch, i can't ride in that area, Julie you're gonna have to ride back there pookie"
Julie: "Ok fine"
Me: "Oh boy this should be interesting...."

And this is how it went...

And like this.. (Steph with her narrative)

Um..yeah.

I had to take advantage and prolong this ordeal, lol so i decided to drive to jersey,lol.. After busting our guts laughing we worked up an appetite and ate at Ruby Tuesday, where Steph (the blonde) almost busted her ass on the floor..

So we're done. Time to go home...

And time to get back in the car, LMAO...

Julissa makes her attempt..

LMAO...yeah.

What a ride...

This has become a facebook and youtube phenomenom...

We're famous!

Proud to be an American...

2009-01-21T10:25:00.000-05:00

Other than the recent Presidential Election, the only other time in my life where i was proud to be an American and felt a genuine "togetherness" with those whom i do not know yet share a common groud with was on September 11th.

Not until Nov 4th, did i feel a sense of relevance with respect to this country's government. As cliche as it sounds, i trully felt like my voice was heard. I was motivated, i even registered and got my ass to the voting center @ 6am! (that's a BIG deal)

So yesterday was the day we were all waiting for, the President-Elect is now our President. Out with the Bush regime and in with Obama-mania! Never have i experienced the change and hope that one man can bring to a nation of people the way that Obama has for us, its remarkable.

Homeboy's got a lot of work ahead of him, this isn't a cake-walk. Don't you find it Ironic that when a Black man is finally elected president, he takes over a country who's in the worst position it's been in nearly 100yrs? Talk about sticking it to the black man.. But i have confidence he'll do this thing. He better!

And now onto my Inaugurational Review:
I watched it online via CNN, can't say i worked that much. I was emotional and totally siked to see my main man Obizzle get Inaugurizzled.. BUT, there were some questionable calls:

To put it plainly, this lady's poem was SHITTY. I learned Haiku's in third grade and could've done a better job than she did. Who was the idiot that made this possible? Where was Maya Angelou? Check my poem: "Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Obama is black, and our President too!" - ELOQUENCE!!!

Aretha, Seriously? What the f*** is that on your head? You look like Aunt Jemima's rich cousin.

Shoutout to Diddy and Magic Johnson who were both present at the Inaguaration. Of course there were TONS of celebrities among the 2million plus people who attended the festivities but they are two of the more Ghetto fab ones so of course i gotta show them their props.Congrats Diddy on your movie on the life of Biggie Smalls aptly named "Notorious." I also must apologize to Diddy, i saw the movie online :-/

Now onto the best picture of the day...

Waving Goodbye to Bush and his corny wife Laura. This will soon be my Facebook default. Out with the old and in with the new! Get the eff outta here Bush!

DAMN SON! It happened!

2009-01-20T15:22:00.001-05:00

Snow, Snow, and more snow...

What does that call for?

STAYING IN!!!

Which is exactly what I did All day Sunday and All Day monday (weekend recap coming later, another conquest he he)...

I came in late saturday night so i kinda took a chance and parked by a driveway, just barely getting the rear bumper onto the edge of the driveway. As i parked i re-assured myself "i've parked here before, no tickets, so i'm good.."

So Sunday it snowed off and on pretty much for the duration of the day so i wasn't going anywhere besides my couch to watch TV, play some PS3 and jones on the phone with the honies a little bit. Cool.

So whatever the day's over and i hit the sack around 2am, chillin like a villain, knocking off into my dreams, where i'm a millionare and live in Miami most of the year, then poof!! My dream's over.

ColdPlay's "Viva la Vida" Starts playing, it's my ringtone.

It's Jenny, my friend and also neighbor. Why the hell is Jenny calling me @ 3am? Is she drunk, or did she lose her keys? She speaks:

J: Al
Me: (sleepy voice) Dime, what's up?
j: Boo, someone hit your car, its a huge scratch!
Me: You're kidding me
J: No boo, i'm serious. You wanna come down? the guy who hit you is here..
Me: I'll be right there!!

I throw on my sweats, some sneaksrs a hoodie and head up and out the block to where i left my car parked.

I get there and Jenny, her son Ethan, and our other neighbor Carlos are all there (they witnessed the whole thing and stayed with the guy while i showed up).

Homeboy is shitting bricks, he's there with his girl, his front bumper is nearly off and he's petrified (come to find out he has points on his lisence, etc)..

The damage to the bumper isn't all that bad, i was about to tell him to just go home when i saw this... Yeah, my $1900 rims are done for, kaput, finito, finto, terminated, you get my drift. I'm pissed but i understand that it isn't entirely his fault, FUCKIN SNOW! So i take down his info (license, etc) Now he's gonna pay for the damages to the bumper and for a new rim.. Just when i was about to sell the car :-(

So anyways, everything happens for a reason right? Time will tell what the reason for this one is..

But it better be a good one!

Saturday...WHOA!

2009-01-12T09:40:00.000-05:00

Friday night was awesome, but here's where the fun comes!!!!

REJOICE!!!! It's Saturday, right?

WRONG!!!

How the heck am i supposed to get around (bronx to manhattan to queens, then back to manhattan, and finally back in the bronx) if it look like this:

DAMN!!! I've got two events, once in queens and another in the city. How the hell am i gonna get around, if my car looks like this:

Seriously, how am I going to get around? I need to give this some serious thought.

So i prop my feet up on the ottoman, and take a well needed nap.

I wake up 2hrs later, still with no plan, and exactly where i left off, just a little more refreshed..

OK so the snow's coming down and i really don't want to drive, but i can't let my people down so eff it, off i go. OMG! What an adventure, i was slipping and sliding everywhere! Who's fault is it really? Mine, the procrastination king's, i've been meaning to get my summer rims/tires off my car but do you think i ever got to it? Niet.

Anyways so i get to my mom's place, call my dad and switch cars with him and off to queens i go with a car packed with speakers and audio equipment. I guess i forgot to mention i was DJ'ing the first event, um, yeah and to top it all off i'm supposed to leave the event i'm DJ'ing to go to boy L's 30th Birthday Party, then tension mounts.

But not for long... :)

As soon as i walk into the banquet hall, i spot one (shortie) and she spots me...

We get introduced...

We used the time to hit it off, then we headed out..to my place :-)

And the rest, as they say, is history.

The other party? Oh, it was cancelled, apparently some people were afraid of a little snow.

Mother nature was clearly on my side.

Thank You Lord, part II

2009-01-12T09:24:00.000-05:00

Whoa!..It's COLD!

Whoa!..My Giants Lost :-(

Whoa!..It's Monday :-(

Whoa!..What a weekend :-)

Let's back-track to Friday if you will..

So I make the mad dash out of the office, hop into my ride and make a bee-line for the Heights (my usual friday after-work pit-stop). I visit mom-dukes, help her out with a spreadsheet she's working on (which I ALWAYS end up fixing for her because somehow the formula's "magically" mess themselves up, yeah, right) but anyways she's mom so eventhough the last thing I wanna do is look @ a spreadsheet considering my professional life is spent looking at spreadsheets, I gotta help her out. So I finally get that out the way, chill with her for a few and head to the barbershop-where no topic is off limits.

So I get my fresh cut, and and leave before I get sucked into the latest conversation "why is a-rod dealing with una "vieja, chata, que no tiene na (Madonna)."

(Sidenote) - I find it interesting that when someone walks into a barbershop, he gives a pound to everyone inside, even total strangers and the same thing on the way out. What makes the barbershop different from the "outside world?" I'm guessing it has something to do with someone putting a machine to your head..

Anyways, I peace everyone out(even strangers)and head to my castle, in my chariot..

Ahh, home! Its Friday night, the night is young and I got a going away party to attend tonight downtown. One of my high school buddies who lives nearby is hanging with me tonight, so he heads to my crib with two six packs of "blue moon" beer and we pre-game it. A little after midnight, and a six pack later, we decide its time to head out..

20mins later we're in the lower east side, ready to head into the spot. We go in, and sh*t looks like a can of sardines, too packed. I spot my boy R in there who's working on a carribean import who we'll call "bm." So after unsuccesfully trying to get BM to bounce with us we head to another spot called "Frog." My hs buddy "E" is a cop so he gets us all into Frog without an issue. Cool spot, nice and packed with shorties, but that wasn't on my agenda, I just wanted to chill and have a good time.
Some of our boys are already in there, so we head to their table. I don't look too closely, but the table next to ours was full of girls, I mean full! Bad shorties too, but whatever, that's not on my plate tonight, right?

So curiosity got the better of me and I take that closer look, and I see that I know each and every girl in there, from the neighborhood and from elementary school no less - that's the way in..for my boys cuz I'm not on that tip tonight :-).

Now the party's in the full swing, both tables dancing with one another, everyone chit-chatting makin it happen and I'm there chillin. When all of a sudden I see two girls walkin towards me. A short light skinned one with short hair, lovely pettite body and light brown eyes, and another one, taller, a little more fuller with a cute face as well. Its not until they get in front of me that I realize who the short one is..

It's C..

(Sidenote) C is a girl that went on vacation with me and a few of my friends last year. It was one of those 'this will either make or break this thing" trips and while on vacation I had decided that our "thing" was definately broken..I never called her again, told her not to reach out to me, and blocked her out of my mind, until now..

So there she is, in the flesh, right in front of me with a sarcastic smirk on her face.. And it went like this:

Me: "Oh sh*t, what's up?"
C: "hey, stranger!
Me: "chillin, how are you?"
C: "I'm good, I saw you when you were walking to the bar so I was like let me say hi because it would be wrong if I saw you and didn't say hello"
Me: "that's nice of you. Happy new year"
C: "happy new year. Yeah I knew if I didn't say hi, you probably wouldn't"
Me: (pause) "yeah ur probably right, but to my defense I didn't even see you."
C: "yea yea, (sarcastic smirk)"
Me: "yo whaddup (to C's friend) don't forget me come tax season!"
Friend: "hell no, you hooked it up last year I'm coming to you again"
Me: "cool! Let's make this paper"
C: "you don't know how many times I've been tempted to pick up a phone and call you since I got to school across the street from ur job"
Me: "yea my co-worker told me she bumped into you @ starbucks"
C: "yeah, we chatted for a little"
Me: "cool"
C: "I've missed you"
Me: "aww that's weet" (thinking blah)
C: (kisses me about 4 times on the cheek) don't be such a stranger, I still got the same info.
Me: "no doubt" (thinking blah)
C: "I'm serious" (kisses me 4 more times)
Me: "I know you are" (thinking, I don't mind her kissing me, because other girls are probably thinkin damn he just got here and he's got a girl kissing on him already? Then that sparks interest :-o)
C: "alright hun, it was REALLY good to see you (more kisses)
Me: "likewise, don't forget to holla at me for tax season."
C: "Bye Al, please don't be a stranger"
Me: "I got you" (knowing full well m never gonna reach out to her).

Obviously the conversation was longer, but i wasn't paying attention half the time.

So I continue to party it up, get a lovely young lady's phone № and call it a night at around 4am.

Victory..

Now on to Saturday...

Via Berry®

Thank You Lord!!

2009-01-09T09:51:00.000-05:00

It's Friday!!!

Rejoice!

Celebrate!

Run Rampant!

Well, you get the idea..

But seriously though, Friday has THAT feel to it doesn't it? That "I don't give a eff about what kinda work you wanna give me becuase i'm getting to it on monday anyways...you pickin up what i'm throwin down?

I've come up with an interesting acronym for Friday that i think captures the "spirit" of the day:

F - Fun
R - Recreational
I - Interesting
D - Days
A - Ahead
Y - Yay, Bitches! Haha...

So my friends, no interesting subway stories today, didn't miss the bus, didn't see any sexy latina, but i don't mind it because I took the easy way out... I DROVE IN. I mean seriously, its 26 degrees outside. I felt much better riding to work with a warm ass courtesy of my heated seats.

But...

As i drive in, with and without music thanks to my defective radio, oh AND falling victim to shuffle, yet again, I couldn't help but notice how many other lazy people there are on Friday's...Traffic was stupid! it took me the same amount of time it would have taken me if i took the subway, but still, I was nice and toasty.

But yeah, back on topic...

ITS FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tonight i definately gotta clean the crib...

Pulling into the jobs parking lot...

Wish me Luck.

- Via Berry®

Another One Bites The Dust..

2009-01-08T19:44:00.000-05:00

VICTORY!!!!

Another one bites the dust, not such a bad day after-all. TONS of work bur it made the day go quicker. So here I am back on the A for the trip up to Riverdale. The trusty ipod is keeping me grooving with some old school Busta Rhymes but then DAMN merengue tipico? Shuffle got me!

As I sit here nice and comfy directly across from me sit two morenitas, can't be older than 20-21 rockin dunks french beret's and carrying. A big ass box that has a hair straitener machine or something..whatever LoL..

Ahhh that's better, Fabolous "Make Me Better." Immediately I get flashback to the summer of 07, this song was on full blast everywhere. I was on top of the world, had D in my life, brand new sports car, what could be better, right? ::Facial Expression Changes as reality sets in:::

Yo I NEVER and I mean NEVER see any fly girls on A on the way home, NEVER. What's up with that?? Am I just the sucker who works from 9am to 6,7pm? Can I be a 9 to 5'er for a week to get a peep of some eye candy? Damn, give a dude a break! On second though, I'd rather wait till the spring/summer (less clothes).

Conductor: 14th street stand clear the closing doors

God forgive me for this, but I just have to..
Diagonal from me is a gentleman who's just walked into the car and I don't know where he's looking because he's cross-eyed. I feel uncomfortable, I keep thinking to myself "is he looking at me or is his bad eye the one pointing in my direction? Just close your eyes and think of baseball Al, baseball, forget about him."

"Forty-duece: Crossroads of america"

A tribe called quest: "award tour."

As I marinate on this smooth track, all sorts of thoughts run through my head: What should I have for dinner? How many minutes should I spend on the treadmill tonight? What am I gonna wear this saturday? Damn! I need to clean the crib, I'm getting some new buns this weekend (there goes the devil again) gotta make sure the crib is on point. Saw my old boo "Z" at Ibiza on sat and she's going to Mikey's engagement party next week..Gotta hit the gym extra hard and my "date" J has to look on point also. Too Many variables to handle!

Next song.

How fitting: Kanye: "Jesus Walks"

181st street, on the 1 (no latina beauty this time around) Couple more stops and I've arrived @ my castle, where I RULE, bitches!

I hope this bus is there whn I get off @ 238th street, cuz walking that hill up my block will be a big you know what in the you know where.. "Lord please allow the bus to be there."

Damn that tribe called quest song really got me thinking and this bachata aint really helping..

What to do, possibilities are endless..

Wish me luck...

Via Berry®

The Blackberry Chronicles:My Struggle to Rise Above, Stay Christian & Walk the Straight & Narrow.

2009-01-08T12:17:00.000-05:00

(Beep,Beep,Beep,Beep,Beep) DAMN!! (Snooze..)

I HATE YOU ALARM CLOCK!!!

Actions speak louder than words? I beg to differ. Without whispering a single freakin syllable my alarm clock tells me "wake the eff up, you've got to go to work, got bills to pay. You've got a bunch of bs to deal with today so get moving."

But hey, it IS Thursday, one more day of this routine and I'm home free!! Right??

As I procrastinate on the couch, eating my cereal, watching sportscenter I wonder, "why can't I just be my own boss? Why can't I come in as I please without any repercutuons? Someday Al, someday.."

Crap!! I'm running late! I quickly shower, pick out the easiest clothes to wear, easiest shoes to put on and I head out the door, Peace out crib!

Shit!!! Its thursday, so that means...

Alternate side parking! Dammit!!! Gotta move my car for street cleaning, now to find a damn parking spot. So after about circling around the block for 10minutes the lady from the 3rd floor with the grey camry is leaving...so I take her spot and off I go to the subway.

I missed the bus to broadway so of course I walk it..8minutes later I'm on the platform on 238th street waiting for the 1 train to come, here it comes. I'm only on the 1 for 4 stops so I stand and on 231st this lovely latina beauty gets on. I've seen her many times on the train before but my goodness, every time I see her its like the first time I saw her..look at that light brown skin, those hazel eyes, the long flowing hair and those um, "curves." I think to myself "Alright Al, relax! You don't have time to talk to this girl, you get off in two stops, Damn, someday I'll bag that, someday.." I secretly bid my beauty adieu and get off on 215th, walk to Isham and catch the A train at its first stop just so I can sit all the way to brooklyn.

The ipod comes on when I hit the A-Train, but before I try to set the tone for the day with some R&B, I talk to God as I usually do. I ask him to be with me, protect my family & friends from danger, keep them all in good health, and thank Him for all that He's done for me, including the job which I'm trying to avoid going to.

I struggle and I struggle BIG TIME! I want to be closer to God, but as much as I want to be, the more the Devil temps me, and I feel terrible that nearly every time the devil tempts me, I fall for it. I'm a sucker for a big booty and who does the damn devil keep bringing my way? I feel like I'm living in a sir-mix-a-lot video. I keep getting into "trouble." I'm constantly getting "buns" from all these "shorties" but I'm on a roll, why should I stop? This is only the tip of my struggling iceberg. What's worse? I have my 39yr old booty call calling me every friday and saturday night, do I answer? What do you think.

Conductor: 'Next stop Broadway-Nassau"

This is where all the fly wall steet girls get off, why can't any fly girls get off @ my stop? I always get off with 50-something's who've fallen victim to gravity, damn you gravity.
Here we are "jay street-borough hall."
Wish me luck...

Via Berry®